What would a crash course in guitar include?
First, it would describe how a guitar is typically constructed: the parts of the guitar.
Second, it would explain what the frets do: how they are related to other instruments, like the piano. Some really basic music theory.
Third, it would explain the proper technique for fingering the strings.
Fourth, it would explain the proper way to strike the strings with your fingers or with a pick.
Fifth, it would outline how the guitar is tuned, and why, and have you learn the string names.
Sixth, it would explain where to find some important reference points on the fretboard: the most important notes, other than the open string notes. Such as G, C, and D.
Seventh, it would explain how to play some basic major scales, most likely starting with G, C and D.
Eighth, it would have you work on a few simple tunes such as Ode to Joy, Three Blind Mice, Twinkle Twinkle.
Ninth, it would introduce you to some basic chords, first in two and three string versions, then in 4 string versions.
Tenth, it would introduce some songs that can be played with one and two chords.